


What Matters Most

by Mochi_chan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Implied Levi/Eren Yeager in passing, M/M, Others get mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 14:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4525149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mochi_chan/pseuds/Mochi_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world overrun by Titans and not knowing how long you'll last, one needs to find a reason to continue living. For Jean, Armin is that reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Matters Most

**Author's Note:**

> Essentially an alternate version of Chapter 51

The last thing Jean remembered before passing out was a titan being thrown towards him and Armin by Reiner, making Jean fall off his horse, then he felt sharp pain, and then all went dark. The next thing Jean saw was all of his friends, including Marco, and they were back in the walls, all safe. Marco turned to Jean and smiled, making the beige-haired boy grin in return, "It's time to wake up now, Jean." the freckled boy said, "Huh?", "It's time to wake up... He's waiting..."

The scene faded to white and Jean began regaining his senses, his eyes opening painfully slow, the poor lighting in the room blazed with the brightness and intensity of the sun in his sensitive honey eyes. Then all too suddenly, his body was engulfed in raw, gnawing pain, his wounds still felt as if they were fresh, the broken skin at the back of his head pressed harshly between beige hair and feather pillow; the softness the pillow was supposed to give only made the pain worse and Jean would've given his arm if it meant he could make it stop.

Willing his body to move so the pain would lessen, Jean shifted onto his left side and for the first time, he noticed the person by his side. Armin was situated on a visitor's bench and his body was slanted forward, with head resting in his folded arms on the mattress of the cot and was sound asleep; cheeks wet, either from sweat, tears, or both. Jean's shoulders jumped in surprise of the sight, cheeks beginning to heat up at the realization of how close Armin was and the fact that the blonde was by his side. "He doesn't look hurt." Jean thought, reaching a hand out to push blonde bangs behind the boy's ear, "Soft..." Jean marveled at the feeling of Armin's golden locks, running his hand through the hair.

"Mmn... Hm? Jean?" Armin whispered, being woken by the comforting gesture from the fellow cadet, sitting up and rubbing the corners of his eyes with a knuckle. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you." Jean said, Armin shook his head and smiled gently, "I didn't mean to fall asleep. Are you okay, still in pain?", "Yeah, hurts like a bitch." Jean grunted, propping himself onto his elbow, bringing his other hand to the back of his head; feeling a small patch covering the epicenter of the pain. Armin moved onto the bed and brought Jean into a sitting position, "I put on a bandage to stem the bleeding for now since you were unconscious, the actual doctors haven't gotten to you yet; you have no idea how many wounded there are." he said, reaching over to the bedside table and picked up a box.

The taller nodded in understanding, "I can imagine, Commander's probably the first concern to them." Armin nodded his head, opening the box and pulled out a bottle and rag, "Can you turn around, it's about time that wound got properly looked at." Jean twisted around so the other had access to the injury, Armin peeled the bandage off as gently as he could, but Jean still cringed as the sticky residue clung to his head and pulled on his hair and starting to heal skin. "It's not as bad as before, looks like the bleeding stopped." Armin informed, bringing the bottle to his mouth and pulling the cork off with his teeth, then putting the rag to the opening and pouring some of the contents onto the material, "This may sting."

Jean braced himself, hands fisting the fabric of his trousers, Armin lightly dabbed the cloth to the wound and Jean's head was assaulted with a powerful stinging sensation, seething as Armin cleaned the blood away, he groaned through gritted teeth, "Shit, what the hell is that?" Armin took on a sympathetic expression, "Alcohol... The kind you drink.", "What?!" Jean exclaimed, "It works just as well as any disinfectant and besides, all real medical supplies are being used on Commander and other highly ranked soldiers that are injured. These are simple first-aid kits that were passed around to everyone else." the blonde explained, pressing the rag firmly on the wound for a moment, making the other wince, and then lightly wipe off some now flowing blood. Jean took in a breath and held it, the muscles in his back tensing up as he contained his desire to scream in pain; knowing full well that there were others going through worse.

Armin held the rag over the wound and lifted a roll of gauze out of the box, "Hold that for me." he instructed, Jean reached a hand back to hold the rag while the other unrolled some bandages. After acquiring a decent starting amount of gauze, he began wrapping the bandages around the beige-haired teen's head, Jean moved his hand away, leaving the rag to be bound to his head as Armin continued to wrap the wound. Carefully ripping the white material, Armin slipped the end of the gauze into a crease and pinned it in place, "That'll do for now, you might have to get stitches, but that will hold you over for awhile."

Jean grunted, "Lovely, that's exactly what I need, someone doing needlework on my head." he thought, not daring to say it aloud in fear of unintentionally offending Armin in some way, "Thanks." he said, Armin smiled, "No problem." The taller turned himself around so he was facing the blonde, who was putting the equipment back into the box and set it back on the bedside table. "Well, you can go check on Eren now, I'm sure you'd rather be there anyway." Jean grumbled, laying himself back down on the cot, Armin gave him a confused look, "Eren isn't hurt, you are, and last I saw, Eren was practically running to Corporal Rivaille's office; that's not exactly something I want to interrupt." Jean stared at him for a moment, "Then you should go see Mikasa, I know she's hurt.", "It's nothing serious, n fact, she didn't even need treatment." Armin stated.

It was then Armin's turn to stare at the other for a moment, "Jean, do you not want me around?" he asked, Jean shifted his gaze off to the right, "It's not that, it's just... Wouldn't you rather be with your friends?", "You're my friend, too, it's not just Eren and Mikasa." Armin said. Jean's cheeks lit up lightly, eyes widening at the other's words, "I know, but... You've known them longer and they're hurting too, I'm sure they'd like to see you." he mumbled, "Mikasa and Eren can survive a few hours without seeing my face, and besides, I was worried about _you_ Jean." the blonde said, lowering his gaze, Armin's bangs fell over his eyes, shielding them, "I was scared..."

Armin's lip began to quiver, he bit down on it with a canine to keep it still, "I thought you were dead..." a silverline drop pooled down the side of the blonde's round face, Jean looked at the other, guilt-ridden, "I'm sorry, but if you thought I was dead, why did you bring me back?", "I was holding you, Jean; I felt your breathing." honey eyes filled with curiosity, "Holding me? You mean you were protecting me?" Jean asked, "As best I could, yes." Armin answered, another tear escaping his duct.

The taller frowned and then let out a sigh, wrapping an arm around the small blonde boy's shoulders and pulling him to his chest, Armin's frail hands entangled themselves in Jean's shirt, holding onto the other for dear life as he finally released all of his pent up emotions. Bringing a hand to Armin's hair, Jean stroked the emotional teen's head as comfortingly as he could, "It's okay now, Armin. It's over now and we're back in the walls." he whispered, "It's not... It's not okay, Jean! So many people died and we almost did too! You're injured! The titans are still alive! Reiner and Bertholdt got away! Ymir went with them! How is anything 'okay'?!" Jean was taken aback, yes Armin got scared from time to time, but he could always be counted on as an optimist, nothing could make him miserable; seeing the boy so consumed by fear almost drove Jean to tears.

But there was no time for that, Armin needed comfort, to be put to ease, to know that he's safe for the time being; protected and that nothing will happen, Jean tightened his hold on the blonde and held him even closer to his chest, "I know things are bad now, but we need to focus on the positives. We're alive, and so are the others; Eren, Mikasa, Connie, Sasha, and Historia, Commander Irwin's still alive, and so are Corporal Rivaille and Major Hanji. They're all still alive." Cupping Armin's face in his palms, Jean brought their foreheads together, moving his thumbs along Armin's cheeks to wipe the tears, "We're still alive." Jean said, the blonde sniffled, "For how long though? How much longer until we die?" he demanded, Jean shook his head, "Armin, I can't tell you that, but I can tell you this; the world isn't fair. Everyone dies eventually, no one lives forever, we could have died today, we could die tomorrow, we could die in a month from now, we could die ten years from now. No one knows when they'll die, that means you have to make your life worth something so that you'll try your damnedest to survive. We're alive, Armin, we're alive when so many have died, instead of crying about living, smile because you're living. Make meaning of your life and live, survive; I know you're scared, I am too, everyone is, but we want to live more than we fear the titans."

Jean moved Armin's head back down to his chest, so the smaller's ear could hear his heartbeat, "Listen, what do you hear?" he asked, Armin took in another sniff before answering, "Your heart...", "That's right." Jean moved so his head rested on Armin's chest, "And I hear your's; that means we're alive. We're alive, Armin, _alive_ ; and that's what matters most, and I swear to you, I will keep you and myself alive with all of my power for as long as I can so you won't ever have to feel this way again.", "Jean..." Armin sobbed, a flush coming to his cheeks, the beige-haired boy placed a kiss to the other's forehead, a blush polishing his features as well. "I promise, I'll do all I can." Jean repeated.

The two remained in silence, holding each other, Jean resumed running his hand through Armin's hair until he eventually calmed down; exhausted, Jean invited the blonde under the blankets of the cot and Armin soon dozed off. Jean continued to comb through the blonde locks until sleep began to take over, before slipping into unconsciousness, Jean decided he would make good of his promise, protecting Armin will become his main priority, screw killing the titans; to him, seeing Armin to be able to smile and live happily is all Jean want to accomplish, nothing else could be more important.

**Author's Note:**

> I need to do more legit Jeanmin.


End file.
